Lost Control

I am sitting here at my computer writing this post because I have completely lost control of my body. First I can't get pregnant or ovulate and now I can't run. I try to do everything right, yet somehow I get disappointed again. I know that I am extra prone to injuries (I have no idea why...), so I started running short distances and taking it easy. Over a period of four weeks I increased by runs to 3.1 miles long and I only run 3-4 times a week, and now here I am with an injured achilles...again. It's just not fair that I can do everything right and still be let down. I can't get pregnant and AJ and I have a happy, healthy marriage, own a house, have jobs, and are perfectly content. However, a high school girl; an unemployed, welfare mom;  an abusive family; or a drug user can get pregnant without any issues. Why does it happen to the undeserving so easily, yet those of us who deserve a family cannot achieve it?

Then there's running. There are the people who are not runners, or are overweight, or don't run correctly, or have terrible running gear and they never get injured. I just want to know why I have to have so many issues. I am healthy, not overweight, and just trying to exercise and I somehow get injured. I am not out there doing speed work or hill repeats, I am just running. I am running at a 9:30 mile pace and here I am: crippled...again.

I just want control of my body. I want it to do one thing that it is supposed to do. With all of the baby stuff going on in our lives it felt so good to be out running. It was a way to get away from the frustrations and to feel good about myself, and now I am a failure at another thing.