Nerves and Frustration

Last night at work we had a 14 year old come in that is 20+ weeks pregnant, and when she delivers she will still be 14. I am ten years older than her! She was born in 1996 and is having a baby. She is is middle school!!! Then there's me. I'm 24 years old, married, and not on welfare, and I cannot have a baby. She is in the hospital for DFM and I am making appointments at fertility clinics to go to seminars to hear about our next steps. Last night I was having a hard time dealing with this so I tried to do something that I never do. I reached out to a friend, and the friend I reached out to has been going through relationship issues and I have been there for every single thing offering a shoulder to cry on and someone to vent to, and when I reach out what does she say, "Oh, you don't want a crack baby." No, I don't want a crack baby. I want a baby and it's not fair that this 14 year old is having one and I am not. I may have made this friend mad because after she said that I told her what she needed to hear, but of course no one wants to hear it. She hasn't talked to me since. I'm ok with that right now because she kind of made me mad the last couple of days. I think we are just going through too many different hardships and are both stressed and depressed.  I'm sure we will be fine. She is one of my best friends.

Tomorrow night we are going to the seminar at Oregon Reproductive Medicine. I procrastinated on making the appointment until today because I've been nervous and in denile and I was hoping that I wouldn't need to go. Well I do... So I told my mom that we cannot make my brother's birthday dinner because we have somewhere to be. I think that she is thinking that it's something Christmas related with AJ's family, but it's just a seminar. I just told her where we were going, so hopefully that will help her understand. Even though I just emailed my mom to tell her, it's still hard to admit. I can write it in this blog all day because no one reads it, but having to admit to it makes it so much harder. Hopefully we will get some good information tomorrow and will be able to move on to the next step.