In the book I am reading, A Few Good Eggs, they have a section about what friends/family should never say/ask to a couple struggling with infertility. Is it rude to photocopy this section and hand it to everyone I know and maybe even a few people that I pass on the street? The follow things are all things that I have been asked multiple timesand they are all listed in the book.
1. Just don't think about it, and it will happen!
2. Maybe you're trying to hard (If you say this, it will make me want to cause you pain...just a friendly warning)
3. But I bet it's fun trying!
4. Just start to adopt-- then you'll get pregnant! That happened to my friend.
5. You're really lucky-- you can do anything you want. We never get to go out anymore.
6. Don't worry, you're still young. (See my response to number 2)
7. Why do you want kids anyway?
8. Did you ever think about adopting?
9. Pregnancy is easy for me. I'll be your surrogate. (Followed by a self-deprecating giggle). (FYI- saying all my husband has to do it look at me and I'll get pregnant is the same thing...)
10. Anything new on the baby front? (See reponse to number 2)
11. Are you keep your legs up after sex? (Are you getting too personal? yup)
12. Are you getting drunk before sex?
13. Is your husband wearing loose underwear?
14. Are you taking your temperature?
15. Are you using an ovulation predictor test?
16. Are you doing it doggy style? That worked for us! (See response to number 11)
17. Are you doing it in public? That worked for us! (See response to number 11)
18. You should have more sex. (If we did it anymore we wouldn't be able to work, eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, but thanks for the moronic suggestion)
19. It's probably for the best. (See response to number 2)
20. Don't worry, you'll get pregnant soon. (See response to number 2)
21. You probably need a vacation.
22. I get pregnant when I look at my husband.
23. Give it time. (See reponse to number 2 only multiply the pain by 300)
The one that takes the cake for me happened early this year. AJ and I had been TTC for probably 4 or 5 months with zero results and we were invited to go bowling with some friends. We are bowling with our friends who got married 2 weeks before us (who were also 'accidently' pregnant...probably 8 weeks along), and our friend's brother and sister-in-law who were probably 25-30 weeks pregnant. Being the only non pregnant/the only one actually trying to get pregnant in a group of pregnant people is the most gut-wrenching pain you can imagine. I was being my perky self. And trying not to notice my pregnant friends when my friend's brother asked when we were going to have a baby. We told him that we were trying and having problems and he said, "Well here's what you need to do. You need to get in a big fight and storm out. Then when you come home later have make-up sex and you will get pregnant." It took every ounce in my being to not chuck my bowling ball at his face. But instead, this is when I was still a nice TTC'er, and actually cared about other's opinion and smiled and said, "thanks for the suggestion." I just dare him to say that to me now. I'm not near as nice as I was 10 months ago.
Here's what people should say, "I don't want to keep asking about the baby stuff. Just know that whenever you want to talk I'm here." Can I make this a magnet and put it on all my friends' refridgerators? Maybe I will make it a key chain too. That way they will have a reminder when they are not home.
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